Rain.

It is interesting how driving in the rain to overplayed music is so theraputic. I don't have a car at school, so I never get to drive. When I get home for a break or something, I go driving. I usually say I am going to meet someone, but really I just drive and drive. Usually around downtown oly and back home again on back roads. It is usually in the rain. My soundtrack is usually Coldplay or Kings of Leon. I don't know why I listen to them so much...maybe cause they help me think.
Being lonely is a weird feeling. Its weird to have so many relationships and being around so many people all the time you just drown. I feel like going to WSU has chewed me up and spit me out. I feel like being a music major took alot of joy out of creating music for me, and thus I never practice so I am never at my full potential. I look like an idiot alot cause I say I am a music major and people expect all this genius out of my mouth but it never happens. I decided while driving I am going to be more dedicated to my art. I Am going to do it to benefit my relationship with the Lord. Next semester is going to be a new leaf in all areas of life.
I also decided that I am sick of feeling alone all the time. I am worn out from college life. I want to be on the road. I want to be in a band. I want to be writing music. I want to be famous in a weird way. Half of me however just wants to be known for sick worship music. I don't know what happened to me though. I used to love crowds and people. Now I kind of like being alone. To a point though. Feeling God is good. Feeling my sin is not. Lately I have been alone in more ways than one. And about 90% of the time. It is not good and i do not like it. But maybe it is good. Maybe i treasure it. I got asked out last week. I got really defensive. It is interesting how I wanted to experience something for so long then hating the experience once you get the chance to actually live it. I got so defensive.
I miss last year. I miss seeing my good friends all the time. I miss laughing alot. And blasting music. Music feels great.
I have been praying for my Grandma. She is my mom's mom. She is very mean to my mom and my mom's siblings. It hurts my feelings. I don't know if she is really a Christian or not. I am really mad at her for being mean to my mom. I hope I can forgive her before she dies.
Those drives in the rain sure bring up alot of thought.