I don't have much battery life left on my computer and my charger is not on me, but i wanted to update you on my reading. I have been very busy, as result of being blessed with Jobs. However, I have kept up on my reading. And thus, plan on updating you a little bit on things.
The more I read this book, the more I realize how much I need Jesus EVERY day. It's so easy to ignore him, esp. because I have a rather active thought life that seems to think about everything BUT things of Jesus Christ. However, this book has been showing me the power of the word of the Lord. In the beginning of the book, Beth Moore lists 5 Benefits to Total Surrender.
1) Knowing God and Believing in Him
2) Glorifying God
3) To Find Satisfaction in God
4) To Experience God's Peace
5) TO Enjoy God's Presence.
The 5 Obstacles that keep us from experiencing the benefits of total surrender are
1) Unbelief
2) Pride
3) Idolatry
4) Prayerlessness
5) Legalism
Each Chapter I have been reading tackles the 5 benefits and the 5 obstacles. I have read up to Prayerlessness. Idolatry has most definitely been the hardest chapter to read. I have so much of it in my life. I feel like every relationship and every blessing or possible great plan for my life or any form of possible security becomes an Idol.
Beth Moore poses this question in the beginning of the chapter - "Have you ever noticed that one of the most common human experiences is the inability to be completely satisfied? Unfortunately salvation alone does not completely fill the need. Many come to Christ out of their search for something missing; yet after receiving His salvation, they go elsewhere for further satisfaction. Dissatisfaction is not a terrible thing. It's a God thing. Its' only a terrible thing when we don't let it lead us to Christ."
How true is that? What I have noticed through reading this book the most is that every single obstacle I struggle with ties together. I don't believe God is always there for me and really has a plan for my life, thus I turn to Pride and believe that I am able to have control and let satan lie to me by telling me I am strong enough to handle it on my own, then make everything in my life an Idol by turning to them instead of the Lord or by not giving them up to God.
I also have been noticing I put too much of my time into a certain person into my life. I tend to poor out too much of my life onto people, and on this particular person I have put a great amount of expectation that completely inhibits me from unconditionally loving them. They will NEVER meet my needs like Jesus Christ can. Believing somehow their words or their actions or romance will somehow make me feel the way only Christ can, is a lie. This realization is only recent, due to my relationship being a long distant one. I never have realized how selfish and prideful I am, until I entered into a relationship. I never really felt that I had sin I needed to be stripped of, but I have never been in love and thus never wanted to be rid of it more in my life. Seeing it affect someone and something I love more than anything in my life is a huge burden I want nothing to do with anymore. How I hope salvation can soon be the satisfaction in my life again and take over and cleanse me.
Surrender is such a difficult thing. Oh how I can't wait to be away from all this sin in my life. I feel so filthy so much of the time. Giving into the flesh is such a terrible waste of time.
"He feeds on ashes, a deluded heart misleads him; he cannot save himself or say, "is not this thing in my right hand a lie?" - Isaiah 44:20
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